As a dating and relationship coach, I've found that frequently women will make a mistake early in the relationship that causes men to loose interest and head for the hills.
Can you guess what it is?
Countless women seeking love will come across as desperate or clingy to their potential suitors. While it's natural to show interest in your new beau, it is very easy to cross the line from interested and available and wander into the dangerous territory of desperate and clingy.
Men are repelled by a desperate woman and will naturally pull away from any woman they determine to be desperate.
So, what exactly sends him the message that you are desperate?
Dropping everything to be with him.
While seemingly innocent, your constant availability to him will actually send him the message that you may be the desperate type. Many women think that dropping everything to hang out with their new man is simply a way to spend more time together and develop the relationship. However, in doing so, women will accidentally make one of the biggest dating mistakes that cause men to loose interest.
While it’s cool to carve out time each week to hang with your new man, you want to ensure that you respect your own time. You're smart and successful with a great life of your own. If you've made plans to hang with the girls on Friday night and he texts Friday morning with an invite to dinner, it's best to turn him down. It's a great opportunity to let him know about other openings you have in your schedule. Most men will make plans in advance for their top priorities.
If he wants to attend an important baseball game, he'll be sure to buy his tickets ahead of time to ensure he gets a seat to cheer on his team. If your man is always calling you at the last minute to invite you out, he isn't setting a high priority on spending time with you. You are a valuable woman and you deserve to be treated as a top priority to your new guy. If you're allowing him to ask you out on a last minute whim, you aren't setting a boundary around your time. You want to remain authentic to your plans and demonstrate to him that your time is valuable. You are teaching him how you want to be treated and quality men are happy to treat you with the respect you deserve.
You don’t want it seem like you’re willing to drop everything to spend time together. Especially in the beginning of your relationship during the courting stage.
During this initial phase of the relationship your man is on the hunt. While he chases you, important chemicals are being released in his brain that build his budding attraction. In order to be “hunted” you want to remain slightly elusive. This game of cat and mouse will trigger his attraction and make him want to earn the prize of spending time with you.
Even if you are willing to be at his beck and call, your 24/7 availability will send him the message that your life is boring without him... Yikes!
This is scary to a guy because he doesn’t want the weighty burden of being your only source of entertainment. It takes the joy out of the relationship and will turn each date into a chore for him. Instead of inadvertently killing the connection, you can add instant intrigue by filling your life with fun.
If you want to go from being just another girl to the only girl he wants to spend time with, you’re going to have to turn down some of his invites because your too busy with other adventures. This will show him that your life is exciting even without him which makes you very desirable in a man’s eyes.
Whether you can’t make a date because you’re playing beach volleyball or you couldn’t return his text because you were taking a belly dancing class, he’ll be impressed. The fuller your life is, the less clingy you’ll seem (an instant turn-off for most guys) and the more attractive and intriguing you’ll be to him. Plus having your plate full of enjoyable activities means you’ll have more to talk about when you’re with him, making it compelling for him to want to hang out with you more.