Here’s Exactly How to Ask Him If He’s Looking for a Committed, Monogamous Relationship, Without Looking Needy or Desperate!

As you’re out there looking for Mr. Right, chances are you’ll eventually find yourself dating someone who has real potential, and you may start to think:

“Hmmm, I really like this guy! But I wonder… is he looking for a long-term committed relationship?”

Many women will start to overanalyze a man’s text messages, words and behavior, looking for signs that he’s ready for a relationship. It’s easy to understand why, too...

Just the thought of actually ASKING the guy where he’s at can feel super vulnerable and even nerve-racking!

In this video and blog, you'll learn the telltale signs that he wants a relationship.

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But the fact is…

If you’re looking for Mr. Right (and not just Mr. Right Now), you have to find out if he too wants a committed, monogamous relationship

signs he wants a relationship

A lot of women have told me they’re afraid to have this conversation with a guy they’ve been dating because they don’t want to come across as needy or desperate.

So, before you even consider having the conversation, check in with yourself: Are you completely happy with yourself and your life as it is right now? If so, quite frankly, you don’t need him!

See, if you come from a place of worrying, hoping and wishing that he’ll say he wants to be in a relationship with you, then you might actually BE needy.

On the other hand, if you come from a place of cynicism ‒ thinking, “Oh, this will never work out anyway” – then that’s equally unattractive.

signs he wants a relationship confidence

Instead, come from a place of confidence and genuine discovery and you have nothing to fear. He can take you or leave you and that’s okay because you have endless options, and you’re exploring one of many just by having this conversation with him!

If you go into this conversation knowing that you’re going to be okay no matter what he says, and you WILL attract the high-quality man of your dreams, you’re golden :-)

And by the way, here’s a VERY important truth to keep in mind…

If you’re nervous about scaring a guy off by asking him if he wants a relationship, don’t be!

Why? Because a guy who genuinely wants a relationship won’t be weirded out or intimidated by this question whatsoever.

Now, a guy who isn’t really looking for a relationship might cringe at the question... but guess what? That’s okay! Because he isn’t worth your time and you can move on quickly once you know he’s not on the same page as you.

So, how (and when) do you actually ask a guy if he wants a relationship?

First things first: Ask early – as early as the first date if you want to. Because again (and I can’t stress this enough) your time and energy are precious resources.

There’s no need to drag out dating someone for weeks or months if that person isn’t looking for something serious. Bottom line.

Second, be direct with him, and give him total permission to be honest with you.


You can try saying something like this…

“Hey, can I ask you a personal question? And promise me you’ll be honest with me… if you could wave a magic wand right now and create anything you want for your love life, what would it be? What would your love life look like?”

A guy who wants a relationship will love this question, and will answer very clearly and straightforwardly. He’ll say something to the effect of…

“You know, at this point in my life, I’m ready for something serious and meaningful. I’m ready to settle down and commit to creating a great relationship.”

Basically, regardless of his exact wording, when you hear the answer from a guy who wants a relationship, his desire will be crystal clear, and you’ll be left with zero confusion.

signs he wants a relationship mat boggs

But when a guy DOESN’T want a relationship, he’ll typically answer one of two ways…

He may say, straight-up, that he doesn’t want a relationship.

And if this is the case, let me get a megaphone to say: BELIEVE HIM. You’re not going to change what he wants, no matter how gorgeous you make yourself look or how funny, sweet and sexy you try to be. Believe him and move on.

Or, he may give you a long-winded, vague answer, like how he’s really loving his life right now and is open to possibilities. But you won’t hear a definitive “YES” to him wanting a relationship.

signs he wants a relationship honest

In this case, trust your intuition. If he’s not clear on what he wants now, it’s not likely this is going to change anytime soon.

Either way, if what YOU want is a relationship, move on quickly if a guy isn’t into having one, and don’t take it personally... because you’re amazing!

Remember, YOU get to choose how much time and energy you invest in exploring the potential for a relationship with any man

When you’re dating a guy, there’s no need to wait around looking for signs he wants a relationship.

It’s worthwhile to ask right upfront and as long as you’re coming from a confident, just-level-with-me kinda place, asking this question, even on date, does NOT make you needy or desperate.

If he expresses that he’s opposed to one – that he just wants to have fun – no big deal. Time to move on. And if he’s vague about what he wants, time to move on.

And if it looks like you do have to move on, remember that an EXTRAORDINARY man is out there waiting for you, and you want to leave space and energy in your life for him. You want to possess ALL of the freedom and confidence to attract him. And you will!

As always, I’d love to hear from you! Is there another way you’ve approached this conversation before? How did it go? Leave a comment below!


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